The main reason I ventured to Turkey was all to accomplish something greater than I thought I was capable of and that was running the Marathon. I remember before this all came full circle and life before Albania. I thought to myself if I get accepted into the Peace Corps this will be one of the greatest challenges I will face personally. There is always a backstory. I will briefly share a piece of that here. My family especially my parents mean more to me than I can ever describe at times I would rather be with my parents on certain nights because even in High School the value I had for their relationships meant so much more to me than anything else that I knew would all fade. As college approached and I ended my Honors Program at Fresno City College my intentions were to continue at our local State College, but my parents with the help of my older brother literally pushed me into filling out UC applications. ( It was like pulling teeth) At least thats what it was like me. As I look back on that time when I thought why do they want me to go so bad. Did they think that I would not fulfill my potential at home? What was their reasoning? I still remember that drive down to San Diego thinking I don't want this life. I want to stay where everything is comfortable. So as the story goes I eventually attended UCSD after many talks with my parents. If I would have know then what it would have done to me I would have not hesitated for a second, but that's life. You never know where that road will take you. San Diego and my parents attempts to push me into independence was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I believe they planted a seed in me. A seed that I didn't see bloom maybe until now. And maybe I am just getting a glimpse of that piece right now, but I know I am thankful. As I finished up college I wanted something more than to just go get a job and make money. Maybe as my parents thought ( or I assumed they thought ) I was just avoiding the responsibilities of growing up and making a choice. Because all throughout my life I have struggled with making a concrete decision because that scares the hell out of me. (But as I am learning sometimes you just have to choose something and GO FOR IT!) I felt that I was always a little separated from people around me because maybe my head was in the clouds, but my heart was always somewhere else. And I knew that even though everyone doubted my abilities I had to go after it, scared as hell. I am slowly learning that there will always be people in life that doubt you and your capacity to do something, but your job is to just do what you were meant to do. So that is when I decided to join the Peace Corps. Sometimes I wonder how did I get here because of the person I was a few years back, but I have been stretched beyond anything I could imagine. The thing is it's hard to allow yourself to be taken out of those places of knowing, but there is not one day that I look back and know that I am supposed to be here. Growth comes from heartache, pain and challenges. ( All with a smile) Anyways. where was I. As my time here passed I began to see that there were daily challenges that I was facing, but I wanted to do something that I thought was impossible ( in my head) because of what I was going through. I wanted to show myself that if there is a will there is a way. The main thing that always keeps me from anything is the fact that I could fail. Sometimes I would rather go through life and have it all together and not tried than to have tried and failed. ( I am learning this is no way to live and I want to look back on my life and know there were attempts.) Through this whole experience I talked with my Dad about it weekly. About my concerns, doubts and questions. Always fired back at me with, "Of course you can do it!" Once I really believed that my Dad believed in me and that I could accomplish this then I knew I could do it. My Dad was a runner and this was something I wanted to show him that I could do and also show myself my own strength. It meant the world to me to do this for him. I trained seriously for maybe two in a half months because I was so wishy washy about deciding if I could do it. It was a struggle to train here with the fact that no one goes out and actively chooses to go running, the roads are horrible, the stares, the harassment, dogs and amounts of constant traffic. When I first started running I thought of all the excuses I could make for myself. Every time I would run I would think about the people in my life who never got the chance to run or the people here in Albania that never had the chance. I always think like that because you always have to remember the blessings you have such as having the health and opportunity to run. As race day approached it was all I could think about and I really just wanted to get it over with because of how much it really did overwhelm me. All the what- if scenarios played over and over in my head. I remember the night before the race as I was sitting in the hostel praying and trying to relax my mind, Carrie-Ann another volunteer who was running the race also said out loud, " Stop worrying about it, you will do just fine." First I thought wow she can read minds, but she knew what was on my mind and I am so thankful for all her support through all this. She was always there telling me I was capable of this and I will always remember that and her support at the race and at the finish line. I ran the marathon with a million things going on in my head and the main thing was just the pep talks I was constantly having with myself and God. Thinking that I finally made it to this point and you will work through all this pain. There were moments through the race when I looked around and saw all these people from all over the world and couldn't help, but get excited because I knew we all came there that day with a challenge and we were all pushing through it. There were three people that I ran with through the race that I will always remember. All three very different types of people, but they were what got me through the race and the common denominator was the fact that we were pushing each other to the end. As one would leave or I would leave some how I was planted with someone else to push me that next hour. It was such an amazing experience to have that and yet I have no names or information just the experience of it all. When it was all said and done and that line was crossed. I really couldn't believe I had done it. I sometimes still can't believe that I was capable of something that I thought never in a million years I would do or have the will power to do. Yet again you can always surprise and challenge yourself. I know that I am more than capable of what I think I can do and never let that doubt determine a situation, just give it a try. Life is so beautiful and to realize that you are capable makes all those other little challenges on the way seem like just little ant hills.