Contribution

Referencing Webster's Dictionary when coming to the word Contribution by definition means 'the act of contributing'

This is something I think about a lot in my life and whether I do enough of it to actually give back. I think as an individual I struggle with this everyday, but even more so being here in a developing country where I know that my sole purpose was to come here and give back to this country. I have the daily battles of, "Was that enough?" I could spend my whole life wondering about this and it could freeze me to a point where I am so caught up in this idea that I miss what's going on around me. I open up with this because of my struggles with work. Finding a place to know that I am doing enough and the people around me are benefiting. I have to leave those standards and expectations at home or just throw them out of my vocabulary because they can be quite hindering in the process of really learning. December 1st was World AIDS Day. This was something Suela ( counterpart/mentor/friend/life savor/the 'Girl') and I had been discussing for a while and wanted to do something that really got the children involved so that they could be apart of this so that they weren't just listening to a lesson, but reiterating what AIDS means to them in their life. Our goal was to use the local theatre invite a few High Schools to come be apart of this event. We had been working with a particular class from one of the schools. For a few weeks Suela and I lead discussions and showed videos about AIDS.
I wanted to inform them with everything that was out there and have it be relatable to their lives and community. ( Because once you make something relatable thats where impact can start!) After a few weeks I had asked them to participate in this event on December 1st. The group of kids then wrote out a play about AIDS, we asked them to make some posters about what AIDS means to them. We then worked with another Music School where we asked a few students to come participate in the opening of the program. Working with these kids these past few weeks has been nothing, but a pure delight. They are beyond driven and their work ethic is something that should be applauded. They way they stepped up worked on this script and with the others blew me away. Now it's show time. When it actually came to the day of our event everything that could have went wrong DID! (Murphy's law... I think Yes!) Going into this project I was prepared for things to go wrong with the experiences I had encountered with my last event and other situations. Suela and I meet at the school to go get the kids to take them over to the theatre or so we thought. The teacher began to say that she knew nothing of this event when we had been there for the past weeks. We spent an hour at the school with Suela running around talking to people getting permission. All Suela kept saying to me was ," This is Albania." I thought that is something to swallow when an actual Albanian says that. We finally got our kids headed over to the theatre to set up, but what do you know the power is off! Yes!! It was about 45 minutes before show time and we had no where to go. I suggested to just do it on the street, but she thought that was a bit much. Somehow a man overheard us discussing our dilema and he had an area where we could go. We then gathered the bunch walked to the other building and started setting up. This place was a lot smaller, but hey we had a place! The kids got right in practicing lines, putting their shirts on, setting up the music as I dressed everyone with red ribbons. These kids were nothing, but go-getters! Then kids from other schools started piling in and excitement filled me. The kids opened up with a welcome, music acts, facts and the play. We had so many students that they put it on twice! We had a turn out from 270-300 kids. The kids that participated in the event were so thrilled to be apart of this. All they kept saying was thank-you followed by another thank-you. Suela and I were so proud of these students. We then took them all out to coffee and shared the afternoon laughing about how everything came together and how much they enjoyed it. Some of the girls said, "I will remember this day forever, it was beautiful." Right then I thought this is what it's all about, all for the kids and today I walked home believing that I had contributed to these kids and to my community.

Old People Home

There are certain aromas that are so overwhelming when you leave that place it's as if it has followed you home and you can't wash it off. You can't wash it off of your body or wash it out of your mind. (Some you wish you could wash off, but no matter what you do or how hard you scrub it's right there everyday and others you want to do whatever you can to savor that smell and memory) Last week I had an experience such as this which will forever be engraved in my mind. An experience that you walk out of which leads to many questions. ( Or maybe, that's just me) I walk into the building trying not to pull my sweater over my mouth because the overwhelming smell of urine that surrounded me. Forget everything you know about Old People Homes the way they should be treated with a certain respect and be comforted with things such as a clean bed, clean clothes, attention and care. I had been wanting to go to the Old People Home ( that's what its called!) for a while now and finally had the opportunity to do so. I spent my morning with three people that gave me a glimpse of their world. People always tell me things like, "You shouldn't be going into situations like that you're to sensitive it will just make you upset." I think to myself well what if everyone talks like that and avoids everything where pain surrounds them because its to difficult for them.(FOR THEM! Well I say wake up because this life is not about you.) I don't want to be naive about the world I live in, I want to know about it and do something. I would rather go through my life with my heart tattered on my sleeve because I saw things than have a heart that is kept safe and comfortable, but never felt anything. ( Yup, I just went off again. Ha.. I like to think it's the compassion that stirs so deep in me it comes out whenever I can talk) I sat with two blind men and the woman that accompanied me that day. We brought byrek and tangerines to give them a taste of something that we knew they would enjoy. As I entered the room both men were situated on their beds with their few belongings that they had to their names. They were having a conversation as we walked in and tried to find the right time to interrupt them. The woman introduced me and both Men held onto my hand for sometime just holding it. They would fell my wrist and rub my hand. Trying to get a sense of me. I then sat on the bed next to the men and listened to their conversations. No translations were going on so I just picked up what I could. I sat there for an hour just taking it all in. Trying to hold it together for an hour in their world. I couldn't help, but think this is the world they live in every single day. Day in, day out. And just for one hour I was getting a glimpse of it. Was that even fair for me to feel that way when I had just entered their world for one hour. I watched these men try to eat their food drop it on the floor. I would immediately go to the ground and pick it up for them. But who does that when I am not there? Why isn't there someone in there watching them? Where is everyone? We then headed to another room. We opened the door to hear moaning. The constant moaning that never stopped. The woman went right in front of this man grabbed his hands kissed them and asked what was the matter. I couldn't even sit down because I didn't know what to do. So I just stood there and prayed. This man was overflowing with emotions and words. He began to say how he is going to die any time now and no one in here cares about him. This was all he would mutter out with the other moans that came through his lips. Your heart can't help but break when listening to this man pouring out his heart. All you can do is be there and listen. Let him know you will be back to see him. Some were suffering from health issues and others were able to carry on conversations. There was a variety of health conditions in that place. Different degrees of severity. Rooms were filled with maybe three or four people. The ride we had back was one that was reflective on that place, but also on the roles we all should be playing as human beings. The thing that hits me most about this is the lack of hope that sits with these people. ( Maybe they all don't feel that way, but the people I had interacted with displayed this message very clear.) I don't get upset about them being old because this is the cycle of life and we all have to come to terms with this at some point in our lives, but the lack of hope that they express shatters me in a million different ways. The lack of hope that they have about their life and the people that surround them. Maybe sometimes I wish I was more of a realist who could just see this as the way things end, but I believe that even when you are old you deserve to have hope in something and be treated with a certain amount of dignity. Why is that so hard? Why can't people just treat people with care? Because you know what, one day we all will be at that place and we should all care. But maybe that's wishful thinking. We should never forget about people just because they are a certain age or have certain issues. This is something I will continue do and will continue to go there because everyone deserves time. If it's visiting I can do, then I will do it. I wish people would understand the impact they can have on someone's life if they would actually just spend time with people. Just stop for a second. When you step out of a place like that it puts things in perspective and sometimes we all need a taste of reality. Reality is what we all need.

Dress Your Best

When I prepared myself for living abroad as a Peace Corps Volunteer I went through my closet as I was packing my bags trying to take things that would be practical. Thinking ok, I won't be wearing those shoes or dress ( No matter what they say about all my sundresses.) People aren't going to care what I am wearing nor will I have to feel as though I am being judged by the clothes I choose to clothe myself with. I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would have to worry about what I was wearing. I thought I was leaving behind a world of materialism, outside appearance, consumerism and advertisement. I thought I would be escaping all of that for a few years to focus on things that really mattered in this world. Somedays I wonder where I am? Did I step back into the world that I once surrounded myself with? Where was I? From my interactions with the Albanians I have known I have encountered this issue that I thought I was escaping. The questions range from, "Kristen what are those flip-flop things you wear? Where are your heels?", "Your hair is big today ( what they mean by that is, "Oh shoot you should straighten that mess! HA!"), " "Maybe you should wear more make-up" and so on. I wonder how can these people ( and everyone else) be so fixated on these ideas of what I am supposed to look like or wear. Shouldn't we be more concerned with why I am here.. 'TO WORK' than what I should buy to color my wardrobe. Please by any means don't get me wrong, I love to look nice get myself a nice dress and go out on the town. But when coming here I thought I would be removed from all those ideas and coming here I am faced with it all again. I just don't like when these things become so consuming. I will first and foremost be representable for myself, but I will not be consumed with the idea of what I should buy next and spend my monthly earnings on a jacket. For what? If I could live everyday in my yoga pants. I guess you feel that in some way this country should be so far removed, but they are influenced as are other countries. The good news is after one year of wearing black pants and skirts I wore my jeans and uggs. They all laughed, but hey I was comfortable.

I had been preparing mentally and physically for this upcoming Turkey trip to run my first Marathon and explore Turkey. The day had finally come and Andrea and I were about to head out the door, but let me take a few steps back so I can get you caught up on the situation of my house. For the past few weeks I was having some plumbing issues and I mean ISSUES. This had lead me to not shower in a few days nor allowed to use the sink or toilet. I will leave certain details out because I want this to be readable. So it was the day I was heading to Turkey and I needed to shower so I went over to my neighbor's apartment. Neighbor Grandma! (She is a Grandma) I was going to ask if I could use her shower. She explained to me she had no water at this moment and then became very concerned of what was going on in my house so she came over. She literally just walked into my house. Come on in Grandma. She went into my bathroom and saw the disaster of the toilet and shower. Began shouting things and then asked me if I had been flushing the toilet paper and I said yes. Then there was more shouting. She left my house came back with a plunger. I thought this is going to be fun! She told me to go get some gloves on and a bucket.

Let me remind you that our communication is based on the little shqip I have so she is very patient with me always. She began plunging my toilet which only lead to a series of events that were not so pretty. She plunged the toilet then everything preceded to come up through the shower and I mean everything. Let the imagination roll with this one. This had to be my worst nightmares because when it comes to bodily functions I want NO ONE to be looking at them let alone know what has come out of me. ( Ask the girls here, it is literally a fear of mine.) Yup....this was becoming a reality, it was happening she was plunging and then my job was scoping up everything in the shower into a bucket. I yelled at Andrea to come document this moment because I thought why not laugh about it at this point, but Grandma wasn't having it. So after the bucket was full it was my job to go empty it outside somewhere. As I make my way down the stairs carrying my poopy water splashing all over me I break down. Literally the situation that was at least not going anywhere was now everywhere. The situation was worse. Time was moving fast and we needed to be out the door in two hours and still no shower. I came back inside and told Grandma that someone was going to come over and take care of this situation because obviously it was going no where. She would plunge, I would pick up the crap and then dump it. But the problem was more than plunging. So I showed my gratitude and Grandma left. I shut the bathroom door and sat on the couch to get it together for a few minutes. (With my blankies thanks to Andrea) I asked Andrea if this was training for becoming a Mother and if it was I think I will pass. So I closed the door and we headed to Susans house for a quick shower. What a good site mate I have! We then rushed back got our stuff and I looked at the bathroom one more time. Water was now rushing from the bottom of the shower all over the bathroom and making its way to my living room. I couldn't believe that this was happening as we were literally walking out the door I was having a flood. I got the mop and tried to do what I could. Thats when I called Peace Corps and let them know the situation and that it was an emergency that my landlord come over right now because my house was going to flood. As I was mopping the area and trying to keep it one room Andrea was picking up everything off the ground and putting it on my bed so if it did spread everywhere the floor and rugs would just be wet. I had no choice, but to leave the situation, pray that they were coming and head out the door to catch the furgon or else we wouldn't be making it to our destination to start the trip. I was beyond overwhelmed with this situation and everything about Turkey. I thought why now as I am trying to leave the country? But life doesn't ask you permission to come and stir things up.. it just does. I can't control situations or people around me, but I can control how I react to them. I spent the next furgon with Andrea praying about it all. Praying for calmness in this crazy situation, for my landlord not to be angry with me, and to put my focus somewhere else right now. Sometimes the best thing to do when a situation is bad is just to leave it for a while get your thoughts together and come back to it when you have had a break. And thats what I was doing. There was nothing I could possibly do now and I had to realize that. You would think this is where it all ended ha I wish it was.

We then made our way to Carrie Ann's house ( another volunteer who would be running the marathon with me!) because from there we would be catching a furgon at five in the morning then making our way to Korce, taxi to a city in Greece (Thessaloniki) and then a train (wait for the story) I mean a bus into Turkey. We all decided to go out to pizza for dinner because it was the easiest thing to do. So as we were waiting for our pizza Rudi had called me from Peace Corps giving me the down low of my situation at my house. I owe a great THANK YOU to Rudi for being so kind to me during this whole event and tried to make things better. So the issue with the plumbing or the lesson learned is that nothing should EVER be flushed down the toilets here in Albania because there plumbing system can't handle much. I really felt horrible in this situation because my landlord was VERY upset with what had happened. It's times like this that I wish my language was a little sharper to explain to him that in no means did I want this to happen. I felt that I had disrespected him and his home. I know this property means a lot to him and he was trusting me to take care of it and I didn't. I wish he would know that I never meant to cause any of this. I hope he likes cookies! Anyways as I got off the phone with Rudi, Carrie Ann looked at her boyfriend and asked him if he had put the tube into the toilet before they left. For all you non- peace corps volunteers out there let me just put it this way. If this tube wasn't placed in the toilet there could be a flood. There was a miss communication so the tube was never placed into the toilet. Uh-OH. Raino ( her boyfriend) ran home to call Carrie Ann with the news that there had been a flood. She then left. Andrea and I sat there and couldn't believe the circumstances that surrounded us. I couldn't believe that this was happening to them. I thought that I was leaving behind everything and then this happened. I felt awful for them. Andrea and I sat there and tried to make the best of what we were left with. We waited for the pizzas gave them sometime and then made our way back to the apartment in the pouring rain. We got to the apartment to find them cleaning up everything. I didn't know what I would be walking into, but I just prayed for their spirits and that they wouldn't let this all ruin their excitement about leaving the country. And God does deliver because the circumstances that had not only been affecting me, but others around me didn't ruin how we felt about the journey that we had ahead. We headed to bed early because our journey was starting at four in the morning. We took a furgon to Korce then a taxi to Thessaloniki. At this point everything was running smoothly. We made our way across town and then to the train station to purchase our tickets for the next leg of our trip. There was an issue the train was on strike. As I stood behind the group and heard this news I wanted to break down because of all the circumstances that had surrounded me the past few weeks. It's funny how you expect things to always work accordingly to a certain plan a plan of your own, but why in the world do you think thats how everything else operates. It is really actually foolish to think that everything will always happen according to the plan you have in your head. As we were given the news we got together and decided to find some other means of transportation. At this point as I followed the group because no matter what I am the slowest walker and I thought how thankful I was to have Carrie Ann and Raino there. They really took the reigns on the whole situation with their amazing sense of direction and ambition to just find transportation. After about an hour of walking around the city we found transportation for Buses that would take us into Turkey. The bus was leaving at 10 at night and it was around 5. Throughout this time there was a lot of silence because I think everyone was playing out everything in their heads and now we could all breath. We gathered around a Starbucks ( how American of us) had a drink, read a little and relaxed before our ride. The ride was an adventure of itself stopping a few times in the middle of the night with everyone getting off the bus checking passports and luggage. By the time we arrived in Turkey I was going off of maybe a few hours asleep. It was so amazing to actually be there. I remember just getting off the bus and thinking hours before that maybe this wasn't going to be happening, but it did. We got there and I was so thrilled. We made our way to the Hostel and there we got settled and Andrea and I decided that running on a few hours of sleep was worth it because we were in Turkey so we went out to explore. By this time it was eleven in the afternoon.

The main reason I ventured to Turkey was all to accomplish something greater than I thought I was capable of and that was running the Marathon. I remember before this all came full circle and life before Albania. I thought to myself if I get accepted into the Peace Corps this will be one of the greatest challenges I will face personally. There is always a backstory. I will briefly share a piece of that here. My family especially my parents mean more to me than I can ever describe at times I would rather be with my parents on certain nights because even in High School the value I had for their relationships meant so much more to me than anything else that I knew would all fade. As college approached and I ended my Honors Program at Fresno City College my intentions were to continue at our local State College, but my parents with the help of my older brother literally pushed me into filling out UC applications. ( It was like pulling teeth) At least thats what it was like me. As I look back on that time when I thought why do they want me to go so bad. Did they think that I would not fulfill my potential at home? What was their reasoning? I still remember that drive down to San Diego thinking I don't want this life. I want to stay where everything is comfortable. So as the story goes I eventually attended UCSD after many talks with my parents. If I would have know then what it would have done to me I would have not hesitated for a second, but that's life. You never know where that road will take you. San Diego and my parents attempts to push me into independence was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I believe they planted a seed in me. A seed that I didn't see bloom maybe until now. And maybe I am just getting a glimpse of that piece right now, but I know I am thankful. As I finished up college I wanted something more than to just go get a job and make money. Maybe as my parents thought ( or I assumed they thought ) I was just avoiding the responsibilities of growing up and making a choice. Because all throughout my life I have struggled with making a concrete decision because that scares the hell out of me. (But as I am learning sometimes you just have to choose something and GO FOR IT!) I felt that I was always a little separated from people around me because maybe my head was in the clouds, but my heart was always somewhere else. And I knew that even though everyone doubted my abilities I had to go after it, scared as hell. I am slowly learning that there will always be people in life that doubt you and your capacity to do something, but your job is to just do what you were meant to do. So that is when I decided to join the Peace Corps. Sometimes I wonder how did I get here because of the person I was a few years back, but I have been stretched beyond anything I could imagine. The thing is it's hard to allow yourself to be taken out of those places of knowing, but there is not one day that I look back and know that I am supposed to be here. Growth comes from heartache, pain and challenges. ( All with a smile) Anyways. where was I. As my time here passed I began to see that there were daily challenges that I was facing, but I wanted to do something that I thought was impossible ( in my head) because of what I was going through. I wanted to show myself that if there is a will there is a way. The main thing that always keeps me from anything is the fact that I could fail. Sometimes I would rather go through life and have it all together and not tried than to have tried and failed. ( I am learning this is no way to live and I want to look back on my life and know there were attempts.) Through this whole experience I talked with my Dad about it weekly. About my concerns, doubts and questions. Always fired back at me with, "Of course you can do it!" Once I really believed that my Dad believed in me and that I could accomplish this then I knew I could do it. My Dad was a runner and this was something I wanted to show him that I could do and also show myself my own strength. It meant the world to me to do this for him. I trained seriously for maybe two in a half months because I was so wishy washy about deciding if I could do it. It was a struggle to train here with the fact that no one goes out and actively chooses to go running, the roads are horrible, the stares, the harassment, dogs and amounts of constant traffic. When I first started running I thought of all the excuses I could make for myself. Every time I would run I would think about the people in my life who never got the chance to run or the people here in Albania that never had the chance. I always think like that because you always have to remember the blessings you have such as having the health and opportunity to run. As race day approached it was all I could think about and I really just wanted to get it over with because of how much it really did overwhelm me. All the what- if scenarios played over and over in my head. I remember the night before the race as I was sitting in the hostel praying and trying to relax my mind, Carrie-Ann another volunteer who was running the race also said out loud, " Stop worrying about it, you will do just fine." First I thought wow she can read minds, but she knew what was on my mind and I am so thankful for all her support through all this. She was always there telling me I was capable of this and I will always remember that and her support at the race and at the finish line. I ran the marathon with a million things going on in my head and the main thing was just the pep talks I was constantly having with myself and God. Thinking that I finally made it to this point and you will work through all this pain. There were moments through the race when I looked around and saw all these people from all over the world and couldn't help, but get excited because I knew we all came there that day with a challenge and we were all pushing through it. There were three people that I ran with through the race that I will always remember. All three very different types of people, but they were what got me through the race and the common denominator was the fact that we were pushing each other to the end. As one would leave or I would leave some how I was planted with someone else to push me that next hour. It was such an amazing experience to have that and yet I have no names or information just the experience of it all. When it was all said and done and that line was crossed. I really couldn't believe I had done it. I sometimes still can't believe that I was capable of something that I thought never in a million years I would do or have the will power to do. Yet again you can always surprise and challenge yourself. I know that I am more than capable of what I think I can do and never let that doubt determine a situation, just give it a try. Life is so beautiful and to realize that you are capable makes all those other little challenges on the way seem like just little ant hills.

Check Yourself!

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month so I thought I would put together with my counterpart something for the women of Fier. This project was a month in the making and the day before it happened I honestly had no idea if it would all come together because of the lack/miss communication that had happened all month. Breast Cancer is something that is dear to my heart and I am sure that we all know someone or are directly impacted by this or Cancer in general. I had worked with my counterpart Suela putting together invitations, putting together information for the Doctor, booking a place to have the event, making sure we had people come and of course putting together deserts. All in all it came together Albanian style. I can't complain about one thing because it happened and people were present. We had the media of Fier come out and around 65 women came to the event that was held at the library. I was more than blown away with the people and the feedback I had received. This was our first project and it was a success... now onto the next!

Oh my golly its Augustttt.. where does my time go? This morning I went into work to discuss some things with Suela we worked on a Hypertension Flyer then once we were getting some momentium going it was coffee break time of course. I thought well it's Friday, why not? (Because usually I try not to do coffee's during work hours because WERE SUPPOSED TO BE WORKING RIGHT? HA, but I never want to offend her.) We were going to meet one of her friends from grade school who lives in Greece. My coffee turned into a three hour discussion about life. (He spoke English) I found it so interesting all his opinions about Americans and let me tell you they weren't compliments. You could say he didn't like them and didn't understand why Albanians love Americans so much. I wasn't in the least bit offended because honestly his reasoning was something I couldn't agrue with. In the middle of our coffee he stopped what he was saying and said I don't get you. I said I don't understand. He said you are so different, everything about you, you smile all the time, laugh, and I have to say you changed my mind about Americans. This just showed me how important it is to give people the time here and really show them what were about. And I may not represent America as a whole, but I am American and today I changed his mind and its important to realize what you represent in all you do and its important to want to show people that. And in no ways do I want to toot my horn because if you know me you know I could care less, but what I do care is that from just talking and taking the time with someone he changed his mind. That is so powerful to me. He still doesn't understand why I would give up California for this, for what? I told him that the grass ISN'T always greener on the other side and yet they may never understand, but I am gaining so much more than I could ever imagine every single day. We talked about wages and how people here don't make enough to have the life they want for example Suela makes about 200 dollars a month and she is a Nurse. She went to school and is going back for more. And this is a good pay here in Albania. They also told me that I am only here for two years and its ok to be poor for two years, but after that I will want to go home because the life here is exhausting and who would want to live this way. That broke my heart because I thought, "Are they right?" Do I take comfort in knowing that yeah I will live like them for two years, but after this I know I can go home and they know that too. I wish they would truly know what Albania has done to me and they will see that I hope because I don't feel that way. But they are right, it's exhausting the way they live and to raise a family I can't imagine the way they struggle I can only listen. Reality checkkkkk.


Today on my attempt for my three hour run was ruined. I literally couldn't run the last hour something was the mattter. This was a bit frustrating and I am upset with myself because I really wanted to push it this morning, but something was off. So instead I got to walk home forrrrrr a long time. But anyways I wanted to let you know why I adore Albanians first off I needed water desperately so I decided to go into a local and ask for a bottle of water. About after 5 minutes of me trying to explain in shqip if I could have some water and next time I will bring them some money. Once she understood that I wanted water she yelled at the boy saying, "Kuptoy!" Which means she understood me. And after that almost a half hour from home the man that always applauds me when I run stopped me to give me some water and an apple. Really? Who does that! I mean I probably looked like death and they felt bad for me, but still I was blown away at how nice they were this morning on my walk home. Just maybe I was meant to walk home this morning...


Oh my.. What a week.. and wait... oh.. its Monday. Sometimes my world seems to be all over the place like it feels right now.. so many things going on, so many expectaions, worries, and things to do that I can't breath. Hustle and bustle of life and getting wrapped up in our own issues sometimes a little reminder to breathe is what is needed in the most quiet ways. Tonight when I got home from camp after being exhausted with a million things on my to do list I knew for my well being I needed to go out and run.. so I was ready after a pep talk to even get out the door today, yes it was one of those days equipped with my favorite tool my i-pod ready to run and think. Hmmm.. what happens right when I start to run.. my ipod turns off. I really wanted to go home because I need my music but today on my run I think someone wanted to talk and thats what I did. Andddd it felt good! This week has been a busy one, but who wouldn't count there blessings of being busy in Albania.. shoot!! This week I worked with some counselors at a camp for the Youth Center. I have got to know the ladies that run the center. They have meetings every Friday night which is just about five minutes from my house and through that organization I have met some really awesome young kids. So this week I had the chance to be apart of there camp. It was held about 40 minutes away from Fier near the Sea. Kids were broken up into teams, I was with team 'Eclipse' (Yup they too, have twilight fever!) and we worked on promoting students, teaching them how to be leaders, lectures, exercises on the beach and of course enough time at the end of the day to have some circle dance. The man who lead the physical activities was a Director at a school and told me everyday how he was upset that growing up he was forced to learn Russian because now there was an American and he can't even speak with me so he said it was his duty to buy me coffee. He was so great ready to go everyday in his speedo. This week I had also been asked by a lady from Vlore, who works with World Vision to give a presentation in a village about Environment. She asked me a week ahead of time, yes this is preparation in Albania. And at first I was so hesitant and I told her to call me the next day and I would let her know my schedule. And in reality I was just scared to give a presentation. She called me the next day explaining what she wanted and such and I followed with all my questions and doubts and she said, "Kristen! What are you so afraid of!" I laughed and said I just don't want to disappoint you and I want to do a good job. She said you will now just come to Vlore this week. But still in reality this was something big for me and I was making it a big deal. I thought what do I know about Environment to offer to these kids, but then I said I just have to offer them what I know. I worked and stressed about this all week preparing for it every night thinking what would be of value for these kids to take away. I tried to make it interactive, but educational of course. Ok so comes Wednesday and I was gearing up for my presentation for Thursday and what happens power and water goes off. Yup it would. So not only did I have someone at my house who I felt extremely bad for because all this was happening. And no power. The thing was I wasn't finished going over my information, hadn't showered, and didn't write down the directions or have the number to get to the place. So ok.. I thought this always happens and it will come on sometime today? Right? NO. ha. It didn't until Friday. So I went to sleep.. ( well more like I stayed awake waiting to hear my fan turn on because that would be my sign that the power is on and .. it didn't) I was up at five thirty, put my make up on outside and found a furgon after an hour. The whole time over there I just prayed that hopefully she will call me and let me know where to go, hopefully my presentation will run smoothly with what I have and to not let the circumstances around me change my attitude. And when I got there even though everything had gone wrong I just walked. I walked to the center of the city and then I got a call. Persi had called me and said she would pick me up. I couldn't believe it. Because honestly I thought I had just made a trip all the way over there and would have to turn back around because I had no contacts. We traveled about a half an hour to a hotel in a village outside of town. I helped some of the ladies set up the room and get ready for the kids. All in all everything went amazing. I could not have asked for a better response. And she was happy with me which made it that much better. On my furgon ride home I thought how silly I was for getting so worked up over this and thinking that I wasn't capable. Because I was. And all she wanted was some help and even if I think I am not qualified for the most time in their eyes they appreciate everything you do and for that I am thankful. It was my first real taste of giving a lesson alone and it was scary, but now I know I can do it and its not a big deal. Sometimes you just have to do it.... Just go for it.... even when you doubt yourself.. God has his hand in all things.


Suela and Kristen's Day Out.. woopppp
I am so proud of my Counterpart and her desire to want to learn and help. I went with Suela to Tirana to pick up her Masters that she has been working on for five years and do some other things in the hospitals. She called me ahead of time of course (NOT) asking me if I could accompany her because she thought it would be fun. I said why not lets do this and when I told her I could go she was thrilled. She told me that her Mom had asked if she could come, but she said that she didn't want her to come because it wasn't the same as if I came because as Suela always says, "She wants to make fun with me" Which means she wants to have a good time with me and thats what usually happens with the two of us. Sometimes I forget that she is in her thirties because we act like we have know eachother our whole lives.. we just have that unbelieable connection that I am incredicibly blessed by everyday. So our trip consisted of waiting in lots of lines for Suela to get her Diploma, lots of coffee's with all her friends, pizza at 1 in the morning, and our attempt to try and go dancing, but none the less we know how to have a good time together. She also thought it was pretty funny when I showed up with my rolling suitcase (it was mini) she said we were going for one night. I told her I thought it was funny that she fit everything in her purse!! As we met up with a lot of her friends I began to see the many faces that they all put on. The ones that they put on to be strong. Just when you think someone has it all together behind those smiles are stories of heartache. I would think that after hearing the same story over again it would lose its impact on me, but no everytime I hear this it breaks my heart even that much more and wonder why do I get to live the life I do when they are so stuck. ( I am not going to go into details of these womens lives, but they ARE SO STRONG) Sometimes I wonder if I could do what they do and go out into the world and put that smile on. I pray for them all...


This is how amazing Suela is.. she knew I had a tummy ache this morning.. so I got a phone call at night and it was her and her boys. They wanted to say goodnight and hoped that I would feel better :) Ohhh how I love them...


YES YES I GOT TO SEE LINDSAY!!! It had been 6 months since I had seen my older sister and our reunion of two hours was just what I needed :) I can't describe how much she understands me.. and just from the way I say something she knows me and for that I love her because she really knows me and my heart and supports ME and I MEAN REALLY DOES. Such an encourager. Anyways we got on a topic that I find very interesting because I am dealing with the other side of the spectrum of productivity over here. We were discussing from an American standpoint the need to be productive, be busy, have a schedule, and in some ways want recognition for all of it. But why? Why do we need to be recognized for the things we do? Why do we value a to do list and if you can't accomplish it by the end of the day then some how you are of less value. Don't get me wrong I believe in having goals and being driven, I just hate that we feel we need that recognition from a to-do list to feel like we have done something that we are of some value because of the things we did that day. I don't like that. I have only realized that through my time here and living among nothing but a slow paced life. A life that has opened a new way of thinking.. that maybe they have it right, that just maybe life should be lived at a pace where you can walk everywhere, have time to think, be late to things because you were having a coffee, and just live life and be present. There is no way that I can measure my productivity because if I did from an American standpoint somedays I might want to cry. Because in the beginning somedays a big day would be going out and visiting with the people, getting my groceries, or making dinner. And to me it was a good day! I have learned to not place so much value upon how many things I can accomplish in one day because somedays my list is very small, but I place value in the relationships here and what I can do for them. It's a hard lesson to learn when you want to come here pen and paper ready to work, but then your brought back to reality when you show up and they first want to have a coffee for an hour. That's when you just let go....